STUCK IN THE MOMENT


For the fans of JB a.k.a. Justin Bieber, you should be familiar with this writing’s title. But anyway, I’m not gonna write about his song. That will be out of date, I guess.
What I wanna share here is, I’m now in that situation.
Yup. Being stuck in the moment I’ve never imagined before. Being in the moment which I’ve never wanted to be in. Being in the moment which I, actually, dislike.

This is related to the job that I suddenly got. Now, I’m one of the English tutor or lecturer assistant in one of Islamic university in Malang. Telling you the truth, I just don’t know why I did apply to be one of the English tutor for non-English Department students in that university. At the time I saw the recruitment announcement in early July 2012, I directly prepared what the announcement required to and of course, submitted my application to the related office.
I also followed the test, including interview, TOEFL-test, and teaching practice. And here I am. An English tutor for the second-year students of the university. I got my teaching schedule, I got my own class, and I got my ‘nano-nano’ students. Nano-nano? That is my term to describe how colorful my students are, pointing back to the brand-mark of a famous candy ‘nano-nano’.
All in all, it is not my first time teaching university students since I once was a supervisor and tutor in a dormitory in which the students live. So that’s not a new thing for me. The thing is, this is not dormitory. This is university life. Students with all activities, whether it’s intra or extra activity. At that point, I realized, I’m in the real situation of teaching. It’s so much different with the situation I had in dormitory. And at the same point, I also realized that I’m not that prepared for the new situation I face.
Sometimes, I screamed to God to let me out of the situation and bring me to the one I like or comfortable with. But it turned out that God has set something out of my expectation. It’s just like God said to me, “It’s the one you chose. Just face it so that you’ll find the new you.” Then, I decided to stop complaining about my situation and come back in to the reality.
It doesn’t mean I can easily do my job, straightaway. I still have so many difficult things I find in my classes. And if God permits it, I still want to cry, scream, and complain about the difficulties He gave. But I chose to keep silent and just do my job as well as I can. I chose to do whatever I can to go through my job.
As an ordinary human, I have my own hatred to some students whom disobey the rules of class or even university. I have my anger to some students that aren’t serious to study English and never submit the tasks. But then, I decided to make it an impulsive anger. I never want to show my real anger in front of students because I know that will be my bad impression for them.
But something happened in the last October, exactly, at the mid-test time. I’m supposed to test their capability of speaking skill. One by one, they sat down in front of me to speak the topic they chose and answer some questions I gave after their speaking.
In this situation also, I saw so many characters of my each students intensely. I knew those who were well-prepared to study English with me and those who were not that serious. Two hours passed, I was so tired to listen to their speaking and for the last students, I decided to not give them additional questions. Then, it was the time for one last student. I looked at him as a student that doesn’t have seriousness in my class. I also guessed that he didn’t prepare enough for the mid-test. Suddenly he said after he finished his speaking, “Miss, don’t you want to give me questions?” then, I answered, “Why you want me to? Isn’t it a luck for you to not get some questions from me? You don’t have to think more to answer my questions.” Shocking answer from him woke me up, “I just think, by answering your questions, I’ll let you see my best effort in speaking.”
It’s like an electric shock for me. I blamed myself for giving him the misjudgment. I realized I don’t really know people’s characters and just wrongly guessed about it.
After that, I directly decided to let ‘being a teacher’ as my way. I, then, realized that I start to spare a special room for all my students in my deepest heart.

Office, November 3, 2012
10:39 am

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